Why Your Relationships Never Last: The Harsh Truth

“All your relationships are a reflection of the kind of relationship you’re having with yourself.”

This might sound confusing and in need of more explanation. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do in this article. I’ll help you understand how you create dynamics with people in your life from a very spiritual, reality-creation perspective.

Most people blame the other person or even the entire gender for their inability to maintain a long-lasting relationship, but that’s not the case. The blame doesn’t lie with the other person — it lies with you. If you’re unable to sustain a relationship over time, it’s not them; it’s you. That’s a hard truth to accept, isn’t it? The truth is always bitter.

In this article, I’m going to share four major hidden reasons that no one talks about or even knows, to help you understand how you create dynamics and how you either keep them or destroy them yourself. I’m just covering the basics here — it goes much deeper, of course.

You already assuming that they won’t last long

So one of the major reasons why your relationships don’t last is because you already assume that they are not going to last. Now, this might be coming from your past experiences or your deep seated beliefs about yourself and relationships in general.

Meaning you have created a pattern in your life where you’re perceiving relationships as something which do not last long or as something you cannot rely on or trust. Once you create such a pattern, your mind automatically achieves that for you. Meaning, you create a self-sabotage cycle.

Your subconscious mind will manifest thoughts, behaviours, patterns, perceptions and actions in your conscious mind — for you to perform in the real world, which leads you to confirming your deep seated belief “relationships don’t last” by achieving it as a goal.

For example- Fear of loss in a relationship will manifest behaviours like chasing the other person, controlling them, constantly wanting to know where you stand with them etc., and as we all know such actions actually leads to you actually losing them.

What are Long-term relationships anyways?

Now, if I were to define long-term relationships in just one word, I would say ‘security.’ Long-term relationships are equivalent to security, safety, and trust. But the thing is, for you to experience that sense of security in a relationship with someone else, you need to create that security within yourself first.

Most people these days are unable to create that sense of security within themselves, which is why they cling to the person they are with to fulfill that need for security, that need to feel safe — because they are unable to provide it for themselves.

How can you expect somebody else to do something for you when you are unable to do that for yourself?

But what does even security means and how does it look like?

Security and trust within yourself are natural side effects of consistently showing up for yourself. You need to show up for yourself in the same way you want the other person to show up for you in a relationship.

This means cheering yourself up, giving yourself validation (acceptance and appreciation), prioritizing yourself, and being there for yourself whenever you’re emotional. Essentially, it’s about showing yourself all the love you deserve and ensuring you’re not putting yourself down, no matter what.

You need to affirm yourself positively before you can truly experience it from someone else. Here’s a video I created on how to detach, but in a nutshell, it teaches what loving yourself looks like.

Now how does this even work? How does this manifest security in a relationship?

If you follow this process properly, you’ll end with a sense of security within yourself.

Why? Because you’ll start trusting your own being. You start trusting people when they consistently show up for you in any dynamic, so why would it be any different when you do the same for yourself? Trust leads to feeling safe, secure, and relaxed because you’ve got your own back, and you no longer need it from anyone else. Now, full control and power lie in your hands.

Now remember the self-sabotage cycle I showed you earlier? Let’s apply that here with an example.

Example- Feeling safe and secure within yourself will manifest behaviours such as — not feeling the need to chase or control, allowing others to be themselves, knowing exactly where you stand with them because you recognize your own worth and value, relaxing and letting them come to you, and genuinely showing them love because your own cup is overflowing etc., and as we all know such actions and behaviours are perceived as very confident in nature and leads to you having a secure relationship.

Why?? Because now you’re complete and fulfilled. It makes a person insanely attractive and fun to be around.

Loosing yourself in the relationship

Now, showing up for yourself is a continuous process and should never end. Specially if you’re shifting out from a very low state of being. Maintenance is key.

Losing yourself means exactly that — becoming so comfortable in a relationship that you stop showing up for yourself like you did in the early stages. In short, you stop having the kind of relationship with yourself that you had when you were single. Or maybe you didn’t have a great relationship with yourself to begin with, but at least you didn’t care as much about the other person when you first started dating them (a topic for another article).

Once you start losing yourself, you’ll gradually depend on your partner to fulfill your individual needs. And guess what? The other person is just mirroring how you’re showing up for yourself. They’re going to neglect your needs the same way you’ve neglected your own.

But as partners are we not supposed to meet each other’s need?

No, you go into a relationship to share love and to evolve together. You can’t complete each other when you’re already complete. Incompletion is just an illusion created by negative conditioning (again, topic for another article).

Not evolving as a human being

Constant growth and evolution of a human being is essential. When the growth stops decay occurs. When you grow, you glow. When you’re growing, you’re living. If not, you are stagnant. Anything which is stagnant, is boring and uninspiring. To love the other person, is also to inspire them. Growth is attractive. Why? Anybody who’s growing, is fun and exciting to be around. As growth is exciting, it’s inspiring, it’s expansive.

If you’re not growing, it’s a clear indicator that you’ve stopped caring for yourself. You’ve given up. If you’ve given up on yourself, then how can you expect somebody else to stick with you. You can say “they should stick for love”. But are you sticking with yourself for love?

There’s a natural need to grow and evolve as a human being, and this is essential because it makes life exciting for you as an individual. This excitement also makes things more engaging for your partner, as you’re genuinely enjoying yourself and your life, which is incredibly attractive.

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Everyone’s life experiences, and therefore their conditioning, are different. However, these are often the root cause of why most relationships don’t last very long. I hope you found this article helpful.